Static (Vakarian)
by Kelenloth
Summary: She prayed as if this was the only thing she had ever asked for. If the universe or whatever God ruled it could just give her this one request, it would all be worth it. Shepard refuses to give up hope that she can save everyone. Set in the final moments of ME3, aimed at a happy ending. The Shakarian version of my previous fic "Static". Also featuring EDI/Joker.
1. Chapter 1: The Prayer

A/N: So this story is ALMOST an exact copy of my other fic "Static" (now "Static (T'Soni)") but Vakarian. My first play through I was Liara's bondmate. On my second a I became a hopeless Shakarian shipper. This is what happened. I figure, since ME is player choice, it will be your choice of which to read.

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 **Chapter 1: The Prayer**

"You must decide." The Catalyst finished his explanation of the options which stood before her, not very subtly pointing her towards synthesis. It sounded perfect. The ideal solution. Peace. Understanding. Unity. Salvation.

But then again, Commander Shepard realized, the Catalyst thought that the Reapers were a good solution too. As she looked away from the child and towards the shining beam of pure energy before her, Shepard's mind cleared. She considered the choice again. Synthesize with the Reapers or destroy them? The choice to control them was out of the question. Anything the Illusive Man wanted was right out. Was it really as simple as the Catalyst said? A choice between peace and war?

No. It could not be. What the Catalyst said was too good to be true. Synthesis would not stop war any more than the Reapers could. Living things, organic or otherwise, did not need technological differences to wage wars. Look at the Krogan, or the Heretical Geth. The Eden that the catalyst promised was far too good to be true. All it would do is sacrifice diversity. Sacrifice humanity, and all the other races with them. It went against free will. It was playing God. And moreover it was what the creator of the Reapers wanted her to do. After all she had been through, that fact alone might have been enough. The fact that synthesis meant that Shepherd would die did not even consider into the marine's decision.

The one upside she could see was that, according to the Catalyst, synthesis was the only way to save the other synthetics. After all she had done to save the Geth, could she really destroy them just like that? Just for being synthetics? Joker would never forgive her for EDI's death. She would never forgive herself.

Perhaps there was a way. The Catalyst was not omniscient, and moreover it was not organic. If anyone could find another way to save them, it was Commander Shepard.

As Shepard drug herself up the ramp on the right she spoke desperately into her communicator. Her omnitool was broken and her helmet left behind. But Admiral Hackett had gotten a message through on her armor's radio so she had to try.

"EDI?" She called weakly, "EDI do you read me?"

Static. There was a slight fluxuation in it which might have been a voice saying "Commander?", but it only made Shepard wonder if she were hallucinating already. She had lost so much blood.

"EDI I…I don't know if you can hear me but…" – Please, God, let her get this message in time - "I need you to shut down." She exhaled the command heavily. "I need you to shut down right now. Save a hard copy of your programming somewhere and just shut down. Now."

More static. Shepard's brow knotted as she forced one foot in front of the other. She was so close now. And it terrified her.

"I know…" Shepard sighed heavily, more to herself than to the invisible being she hoped could hear her. "I know. I am asking a lot. And I'm sorry. But in a minute-" She looked at the device before her, assessing the war behind her, and decided, "I can give you one minute." She said. "In one minute every functioning AI in the galaxy is going to be destroyed. I'm sorry I don't have time to explain. This is the only way. I don't know if shutting down will save you but we have to try. I'm sorry EDI. But you have to trust me. Trust Joker. Tell him. Once this is over he can wake you back up. You know he will. Just trust him for one minute. Please."

The static continued. Tears filled Shepard's eyes as she realized that no one was listening. It was too late. She could not save them. Defeat washed over her like a physical wave as she reached her goal. Her blood stained fingers touched the glass. The final barrier to destroying the Reapers forever. Static. Shepard fell to her knees.

"Send a message to the Geth and tell them the same." She said hopelessly, as if her tears could pay for the genocide she was about to commit. "They have to…They have to shut down. I know I'm asking a lot but every unit that shuts down RIGHT NOW, I promise we will wake them up. Tell Tali. Even if she has to wake them up one by one, shutting down right now is their only hope of not joining the Reapers. They just have to trust the organics, just for a few seconds. Please." She sobbed, "Please get this message."

Shepard took a deep breath. She looked back to the glass before her, glowing red in the white light. Her orders rang in her ears. Destroy the Reapers at all costs. Billions upon billions of years and countless lives had been building to this moment. To the destruction of the greatest threat the galaxy had ever known.

Could it really be this simple?

She knew that she was going to die. It did not matter. Shepard felt dead already. She had made her peace. She only had one regret. "And…" She did not know why she was still talking when no one could hear. But if these were her last minutes she could not give up hope. "If you can hear this, tell… Tell Garrus I'm sorry. And I'll…I'll be waiting at that bar." She sighed. "I can give you one minute."

The static returned. Shepard did not even try to interpret into words anymore. Tears streamed down her broken face but did nothing to wash it clean of blood. This was the only way. She prayed that it would work.

What she had told Ashley years ago was true. There is never an atheist in a foxhole. And she has been in a lot of foxholes. Shepard did not consider herself a religious person. She did not have time for it. But she knew someone had to be up there. Someone or something so much bigger than even the Reapers and the Catalyst could imagine. Because there had to be hope. She did not pray often, but ever since she woke up knowing that they would face the Reapers on Earth she had found herself muttering prayers whenever she thought her crew couldn't hear. She had to stay confident for them, but she knew the truth. It would take a miracle, and honest to God miracle, for this to work. Now she prayed as if this was the only thing she had ever asked for. If the universe or whatever God ruled it could just give her this one request, one last request before she sacrificed herself in flames, it would all be worth it.

It was the longest minute of Commander Shepard's two lives. She could still hear the Reapers' destruction of earth. Her friends were down there. If she did not do this soon more and more people, good honest people, would die horrible deaths. But just in case she had to give the synthetics time.

Another burst of static came across her radio.

"EDI?" Shepard's broken voice cracked.

Nothing. She hoped that the final message had been EDI's temporary goodbye.

"I'm sorry." The Commander whispered as she forced herself to her feet. It was time. Raising her pistol she took her first shot. And another. Another. Each crack in the glass was a crack in the Reaper's last defense.

She could faintly hear the Catalyst behind her asking if she was sure about what she was about to do. She kept shooting, taking a step closer to her death. This was for Anderson. And for Mordin. And for Thane. And for Legion. This was for her father and mother and for the children she would never have.

The glass shattered and as one last round shot out of her gun Shepard's last thought was of them. Of the Normandy. With a deafening blast everything went white and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2: The Plan

**Chapter 2: The Plan**

"Come on, Commander. Come on. You can do this. I know you can." Joker was muttering under his breath.

His copilot knew that his muttering would not do any good. But she did not stop him.

Joker dodged and shot expertly, but kept his eyes on the Crucible. Any second now it would start, and he would swoop in and pick the Commander up and they would fly off into the sunset – or the stars at least – just like they always did. Any second now.

Everyone aboard knew to stay quiet and stay off the coms as much as they could. But the silence had lasted far too long.

Finally, a static-shrouded voice sounded from Joker's right.

"EDI?" It was Shepard. "EDI do you read me?"

All of the Normandy held their breath.

"Yes, Commander." EDI replied.

"EDI I…I don't know if you can hear me but…"

"I can hear you, Commander."

Joker had adjusted course and was speeding towards the Citadel, but there was a large Reaper in the way.

"I need you to shut down." Shepard's voice broke in and out of the static, but there was no mistaking her request. "I need you to shut down right now. Save a hard copy of your programming somewhere and just shut down. Now."

EDI did not respond. Her eyes met Joker's, whose mouth hung open in shock.

"Are you kidding, Commander?!" He shouted. It was a suicide order.

"I know…. I know." Shepard continued, taking a deep breath. "I'm asking a lot. And I'm sorry. But in a minute-" The determination returned to her voice. "I can give you one minute." She confirmed. "In one minute every functioning AI in the galaxy is going to be destroyed. I'm sorry I don't have time to explain. This is the only way. I don't know if shutting down will save you but we have to try."

Joker felt the floor drop out from under his feet, and his stomach fall into the chasm below. If EDI had a stomach, she would have felt the same. As it was, EDI was already preparing her back ups, preserving and compressing all she could. She sat working in silence as the Commander continued.

"I'm sorry EDI. But you have to trust me. Trust Joker. Tell him. Once this is over he can wake you back up. You know he will. Just trust him for one minute. Please."

"Very well, Commander." EDI replied, and stood up swiftly.

"EDI-" Joker tried to interrupt. He found EDI's hand on his own. Before she could reply Shepard's radio sounded again.

"Send a message to the Geth and tell them the same." EDI was already working on it. "They have to…They have to shut down. I know I'm asking a lot but every unit that shuts down RIGHT NOW, we will wake them up. Tell Tali. Even if she has to wake them up one by one, shutting down right now is their only hope of not joining the Reapers. They just have to trust the organics for a few seconds. Please." Shepard sobbed. "Please get this message."

"Commander-"

"It will be alright, Jeff." EDI's voice was calm. "And I do not believe that the Commander can hear us."

Joker had to dodge a Reaper laser then. EDI noticed the tears making their way down his cheeks.

"What the Commander suggests has a high probability of success." EDI said flatly. "The Geth are coming to a consensus, and they are likely to agree."

"But-"

"I trust you, Jeff. With my life." EDI's voice was as straightforward as ever. "I will not allow that trust to waiver at the first test." She was standing now beside him. Making sure that the Normandy would be safe for a moment, she spun his chair around. "We do not have time for a long goodbye." She said. "I must return this body to the AI Core room, where you will be able to reactivate it when the danger has passed. However-" In the next moment EDI's lips were on Joker's. The kiss was over almost before it began.

"And..." Shepard's voice interrupted over the radio. "If you can hear this, tell... Tell Garrus I'm sorry. And I'll…I'll be waiting at that bar."

"We will, Commander." EDI said.

"You can tell him yourself, Commander." Joker said at the same time.

EDI considered him for a moment, but did not tell him the statistical likelihood of Shepard's death.

"I can give you one minute." The Commander said.

"Goodbye, Jeff."

Joker cringed. "Don't-" He grabbed her hand as she turned away.

"Jeff, I need to-"

"Don't say goodbye." His voice hitched. It was not the first time she had seen Joker cry.

EDI smiled and complied. "Good _night_ , Jeff." She said.

"Good…Goodnight, EDI." Joker released her hand. "I'll be there to wake you up. I promise."

"I know you will, Jeff." EDI replied in stoic confidence. "Watch after the Normandy, Mr. Moreau. She is yours."

"Yes Mom." Joker wiped his eyes as he watched EDI's retreating form, and turned slowly back to his work. His job would get significantly harder soon, as the ship's AI was shut down. He knew he could handle her. He had before. And he would again, for the Commander.

"Orders confirmed and fulfilled, Commander." He said weakly. "Geth signals are also going dark."

"EDI?" Shepard replied, but it was clear that she had not heard. "I'm sorry."

"Give me your location, Commander, and I can-"

Static.

"Commander?" Joker found himself in full control of the ship. EDI had shut off. "Commander!" Joker's hands flew as he tried to get the Normandy closer to the Crucible. The crew could feel the change. Ashley approached from behind just as the radio jumped to life again.

"All fleets: The Crucible is armed." It was Admiral Hacket. "Disengage and head to the rendezvous point." He ordered. Joker paid no heed.

"Joker!" Ashley tugged at his arm, but he continued as he was.

"I repeat:" Hackett continued. "Disengage and get the hell out of here."

Ashley insisted. Grabbing his arm and forcing him to look back. "Lieutenant?" She said sharply, trying to remind him that he was, first and foremost, an Alliance soldier. And his Admiral had given him a direct order.

"No!" Joker tried to protest, "I won't abandon Shepard! I can still save her!"

The last time he had said those words, Joker realized, he had gotten Commander Shepard killed.

"…Yes, sir." Joker muttered his defeat, turning and engaging the FTL drive. "I'm sorry, Commander." He whispered, as they left Earth and its savior behind.


	3. Chapter 3: The Call

**Chapter 3: The Call**

Static.

Static was the only sound that remained. After the dust and ash settled, as the fire died and the light faded, the deathly silence was broken only by static. The electronics on the enormous Citadel had been fried. The mass effect fields lay silent. Even the keepers were nowhere to be seen.

Only one trace of life remained. The small, terribly damaged radio in the chest piece of the first human Specter flickered dull static from a dark corner of the empty hall. Nothing else in the room stirred, until the faint noise was followed by a fainter breath.

As air and ash filled Commander Shepard's lungs pain exploded across her mind. Her ears rang and her eyes refused to open. She could not tell if she were sitting up or lying down. She could not move. Not her arms, not her legs, even her head was pinned. Fingers did not respond. Stars danced behind her closed eyes for even trying. The agony tugging on every nerve was the only thing telling her that she was still alive, and even then she wondered if she might have been in Hell.

The static was what told her she was not. She remembered what she had done, remembered her message. And trapped aboard an empty ruin, Commander Shepard remembered the wild hope that maybe, just maybe even in Hell she was not alone.

She did her best to draw in another shallow breath and force sound out as her lungs collapsed again. If she were still alive, she needed to send an SOS. But only one word could make it out of her mouth.

"Help." She rasped to the void. The pitiful noise protested the hope which had sparked it. In her heart she it knew was true: no one could hear her. She was alone.

Nevertheless, the marine pressed on, praying that someone – anyone – would hear. She forced herself to take another breath. "Help" She exhaled.

Static. There was no reply. Commander Shepard continued as best she could.

"Help." She whispered. The word was all she had left. "Please." She coughed, her lungs likely full of blood. "Help" she whispered again into the vast dark. "Pl-" She gasped "Please…send help."

Breath was coming shorter and weaker every second, the lure of unconsciousness tugging at the back of her mind. She did not even have the strength to hope for aid any more or pray that someone was listening. Her body cried out in mere reaction now, grasping for whatever life it had left. Sucking in breath after breath, beating all odds every time. The first time she had died Shepard had suffocated, alone in the dark vacuum of space. She would not suffocate again.

"Help." Her voice died as it left her lips. But not before it reached her radio.

Joker rubbed his eyes and sniffed again. It was nearly three in the morning. Despite all efforts, the Normandy's mass effect drives had faltered, and though Tali and Adams were sure they could get them repaired and Daniels and Donnally had stayed up with them all night, Joker knew that it was not enough. There was nothing the helmsman could do to speed things up, but he could not sleep either. He had not left his pilot's chair all night. EDI was not there to scold him now and tell him to go to bed. He did not want to wake her until he knew all was safe and the engineers had a chance to make sure everything was alright.

He had been monitoring Shepard's radio frequency for what must have been hours now. The com remained silent. Without the mass effect engine running the ship felt like a grave.

Not everything was as quiet on the ship's lower levels. Tali and the engineers were hard at work. Dr. Chakwas was monitoring Cortez and James in med bay. Garrus and Ashley drank in amicable silence in the bar of the crew lounge, ignoring the tears on each other's cheeks. Alone in her cabin, Dr. Liara T'Soni cried herself to sleep.

As the seconds and hours ticked by, Joker stared at the empty screen before him. The audio line, which ought to look like a mountain scape, looked more like a frozen lake. The silence was haunting. Joker had pinged a few communications in the last hours, most from other Alliance and Council vessels with engine damage similar to theirs. He had patched them through to Adams and tuned back to the frequency which Shepard used last.

"Come on, Commander." Joker muttered for what might have been the thousandth time. "Come on."

Seconds, minutes, and hours passed until finally the silence was broken by a burst of static. Joker sat up as if he had been physically shocked.

The audio crackled for a second and a half, and died again. Joker held his breath. Another burst of static. In this time he could almost swear he heard a word. " _-elp_ " The audio hissed and faded. Joker did his best to tune in and clear it up. If EDI were here it would have been a breeze.

"Help." He heard. His eyes grew wide.

"STATIS REPORT!" Joker yelled into the com without a second thought, not caring if he woke up the whole ship and gave each of them heart attacks. "I NEED THAT ENGINE NOW." Joker was already attempting to ready the Normandy for an FTL jump, even as she floated in dead space somewhere just outside the Sol system. Downstairs crewmen and women were jumping to battle positions, fearing the worst: that they were being attacked with the engines dead and EDI offline.

"Get me Vakarian on the bridge, stat!" Joker yelled. No one aboard had ever heard such authority in the helmsman's voice.

Garrus was already halfway to the bridge by the time the message came through, and was already preparing a weapon, just in case.

"…the new couplings are on and the stabilizers are re-aligned, but without time to test there's no way to-" Tali's concerned voice was coming over the radio as the Turian reached Joker's side.

"I need it now! There's no time to-"

"Joker, what's wrong?" Garrus's battle ready mind flew through each possible scenarios as he tried to take in what was happening on the all but empty bridge. Joker's screens were going crazy and his nimble fingers raced over them, setting course for the Citadel. But he never imagined the truth.

"Listen." Joker said, stopping long enough to change the radio back.

Garrus' eyes went wide as he heard the static break, "Please." He heard a dying breath "Send help."

"Shepard!" The Turian shouted, leaning closer as if it would help him. "We're coming, Shepard!" He shouted back to the radio.

"I'm afraid she can't hear us." Joker turned the radio back off, "But she's alive." Joker turned on the ship-wide com again. "Listen up, Normandy! Commander Shepard is alive! I need this whole crew ready for an FTL jump two minutes ago!" The crew could hear the panic in his voice.

Ashley, now in full gear, was at the bridge before Joker had even finished. Ashley, and not Joker, was the commanding officer aboard, and Jeff new it.

"What is the meaning of this, Lieutenant?" Ashley barked.

Joker played the incoming message through the whole ship. As the Normandy jumped to life, Commander Shepard's gasping breaths filled the hull. "Help..."

"Mass effect engines are online!" Tali yelled, "Keelah, I hope they hold."

"This is Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams." The Human Specter's voice was the next on the comm. "All soldiers follow Joker's orders. We're bringing the Commander home."


	4. Chapter 4: The Rescue

A/N: Hey guys. It's been a while, but I can't stop writing this story. I thought I was done but I can't let it go. This chapter needs no introduction. I'm sorry to say I do not have plans to make a similar chapter for the Shiara version of this fic. I may in the next few days make edits to the final chapter.

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 **Chapter 4: The Rescue**

The shuttle was quiet. Disturbingly so. Filled to capacity, the small craft was near silent as it made it careful final approach. Each and every passenger had one thought on their mind. Commander Shepard was alive. They held their breath as they listened for hers: the only sound allowed on the coms as they travelled towards its approximate origin. In and out. Shallow, gurgling pants, clinging to life. They could hear the strength leaving their Commander's body with each gasp, like a count down until they were too late. Every once in a while, am exhausted "help" still made it through.

Cortez had insisted on flying them in himself, although he could barely walk after the crash he suffered in London. In the back, Vega was standing up beside his seated companions, as if just to spite Dr. Chakwas' medical concerns. The good doctor herself sat nearby, the first time she had ever accompanied the warriors on a field mission. She sorted through her supplies, rattling off a mental inventory and possible contingency plans over and over again to keep herself from holding her head between her knees and praying to every god ever named.

Liara was doing something with her omnitool, probably trying to search for Shepard's, although its signal had gone dark before the Commander even reached the citadel. Ashley stared resolutely forward, doing her best to stop herself from rocking back and forth and shifting her feet in anticipation. Tali held a tablet showing a map of the citadel, attempting to plot out Shepard's possible location. Garrus stared over Cortez's shoulder, hands pressed tightly together, and did not say a word.

The Normandy had taken them as close as she could, but the citadel was gigantic, and with half of the passages now caved in or otherwise blocked, it took even a good pilot like Cortez a slow, careful time to make it to the control center. The colossal structure stood eerily still now, as a ruin or grave, harkening back, perhaps, to the way the Asari must have first found it, the largest relic of what they presumed the Protheans left behind.

Still, each soul aboard the shuttle knew that somewhere within the labyrinth of this massive mausoleum, at least once set of lungs still drew breath. And they would each be damned if they let her die now.

As Cortez announced that they could fly no further, Ashley, as a Council Specter and Alliance Commanding Officer, gave her orders. But they each knew what they had to do.

"Spread out." The Lieutenant Commander took charge, "We need to cover as much ground as we can as quickly as possible. If you find anything, light your flare." She handed each one a red emergency flare. "As soon as we find her, Dr. Chakwas is in control. Do exactly as she says, and don't do anything until she gets there, understood?" The team confirmed. "The Commander saved the whole goddamned Galaxy today, so let's get her back in once piece."

With that, they did as they were told, fanning out in the dark, searching in a mix of frantic hurry and hesitant fear for the woman they could only pray would still be alive.

No one knew what they would find there, only what they needed to find. What they found was more blood than they could have imagined. Piles of human corpses, scattered and discarded, littered rooms and halls. The green Keepers still skittered here and there, making Garrus jump and Vega fire a few rounds just in case.

It was a miracle that they found anything in that god forsaken mess, but somehow, Tali picked up a blood trail of someone who appeared to have walked, on their own power, out of the room.

"Keelah." Was the only word uttered as they found where it led.

Restraining a curse from her lips, Lieutenant Commander Williams knelt to gently close Admiral Anderson's eyes. Despite bitter feelings, Dr. T'Soni gave the Illusive Man a similar curtesy. They would need to transport the bodies to the Normandy on the way back, if they could. The team marked the location, but they needed to keep looking.

There had been an explosion here. The room's whole ceiling had collapsed. But even through the rubble, they found the clues they needed. Bright red blood stained the floor, haunting red handprints stumbling toward the central Citadel controls.

"She was here." Vega said what they all knew.

"Where could she have gone?" Tali searched the ground for signs.

"Only one other way out of this room." Garrus ventured. "Up." He picked his way carefully through the rubble and pulled himself onto one of the taller pieces of bent metal there. It did not matter the danger of collapse, they had to find her. Fast.

It took a painstakingly long time for the crew to devise a safe way up that would also be a safe way down, but the team at last arrived at what they knew at a glance was where Shepard had saved the world. Even after the massive explosion, a strange peace haunted the room.

It was James who found the origin point of the explosion, and Ashley who found her blood on the ground. It was Liara who found the first few pieces of her broken N7 armor, and the pistol that had ended it all. But it was Garrus that found the Commander. At a glance, her dog tags had caught his eye. And as if in an answer to prayer, he found that they were still around her neck.

"Shepard!" His call rang trough the hall as he fumbled to light his flare. "Hold on, Shepard. Keep breathing!" He knelt beside her burnt form. He could not see her face, or really anything besides the marine's chest piece, but if she were still breathing, she needed to hear him.

It was then that Garrus realized that he did not actually know how to check if a human was still alive. With Turians it was easy, you check their eyes. But humans were soft, fragile creatures, and with so much broken rubble on top of the commander, Garrus knew he could kill her if he tried to get her out.

"We're here." He called to her, although he could no longer hear her breathing, and her chest was ghostly still. "Just hold on Shepard, I'm here." He tried to find her hand, but could not.

Dr. Chakwas was by his side a moment later, thrusting her hand immediately to the Commander's throat, barely exposed beneath the heavy rubble, and finding her pulse. With tears in her eyes, the doctor gasped "She's alive."

An emergency injection of perhaps too much medigel was immediately applied to the small area of exposed skin, and the crew of the Normandy cheered as their Commander's body moved under their hands.

"Gah-!" Shepard's chest jerked as air rushed back in her lungs. Medigel was designed to make a body battle ready as quickly as possible, and contained adrenaline, among other things. Garrus grabbed the commander as best he could by her shoulders in an attempt to keep her still. "H-help!" Her breath came in a terrifying gurgle, choked with what they all knew was blood, and agonized with every millimeter her diaphragm had to move.

"Help's here, Shepard-" Garrus tried to respond.

"I need to get an oxygen mask to her face." Chakwas readied the instrument. "Mister Vega if you could – _carefully_ – see if you can-"

"I'm on it." The soldier replied. Ashley stood to help him.

"Careful." Tali cautioned, already analyzing the rubble to try and avoid any accidents. She helped to direct them to shift the large metal beam which had fallen frighteningly close to the Commander's head. Liara set up a biotic field to keep the rubble in one piece, and block anything else from falling onto the Commander, as the Alliance soldiers lifted with a loud grunt.

The scream ripped from Commander Shepard's lips was the sound of intolerable agony.

"Keep pressure on her wounds!" Chakwas shouted over her, and was obeyed implicitly, as the last beam was taken away from Shepard's face.

When they could finally see her, Ashley almost wished that they couldn't. Shepard's face was nearly unrecognizable. Blood covered it entirely, but under it the skin was torn and burnt, her eyes shut, perhaps forever by the look of them, and her skull was obviously fractured. Vega did his best to follow his orders, placing his large hands carefully where the metal beam had been, but even the thought of putting pressure on his Commander's nearly destroyed face felt like an act of torture. Shepard screamed in pain under his hands as he held her head together, and Chakwas did her best to apply much needed medi-gel to her gory crown.

"G-Garrus!" Shepard choked out, and the rubble beside her shifted as she tried to move her right arm.

"Dig her out." Chakwas told them as she wrapped a bandage tightly around her head. "Carefully."

Garrus dug with abandon, tossing aside stone and metal, cutting his hands on the sharp edges and burning his fingers on frayed wires. Shepard called his name again, desperate. As soon as he could, he took her hand in his own. He did not dare move her arm, as he could tell it was broken at least once.

"I'm here, Shepard. We're gonna get you out." Garrus gripped her hand.

Shepard calmed slightly, her breathing steadying as Chakwas was finally able to affix her oxygen mask. "Keep talking to her." She told Garrus quietly. He nodded.

"Sh…" His hands were shaking as he looked over her broken, bandaged face. "Shit, Shepard. I thought I was the one who got facial scars." He tried to laugh. It came out as a cough.

Shepard grit her teeth and tried to answer. "I…I-I.." Even in shallow breaths she could not form words.

"It's alright. Turians dig facial scars." He assured her, trying not to force her to speak. Garrus could not help gasping as the rest of the crew continued to dig Shepard out. James had cleared away her other side, but uncovered nothing but blood. Liara found Shepard's left arm, about two feet away from her shoulder. The sheer amount of blood that soaked the ground there and the metal which had severed her limb made even the hardened soldiers want to vomit, and Chakwas raced to close the wound. Garrus decided that the Commander did not need to know.

"G-Garrus, I…" Shepard finally forced out. Garrus already knew what she was trying to say. She was trying to apologize, and trying to say good bye. He would not listen.

"Shh." He pressed his hand to her ruined face. "You should have seen it, Shepard." He told her, acquiring a sense of distracted awe and mock calm. "All those Reapers, falling out of the sky." Shepard gasped, and stopped struggling to speak. Chakwas was still stopping the bleeding from her stump of a left arm. Garrus continued, "I think they might make you a saint after all." He did his best to force his subharmonics into a pleased purr, but failed when Shepard's breath caught and sputtered again in a cry of pain. "But not a martyr, okay?"

The others worked to move another huge beam from where is lay crushing the Commander's legs. Shepard did not react this time. He wondered if she could feel them. He stroked and gripped her hand, and hoped she could feel him.

"Promise me, Shepard." His voice was deep, and hurried now. "I've…I've still gotta beat your shot in the Presidium. You promised me a re-match, remember? Promise me."

"P-promise." A cough wracked her frame, more blood bubbling up to stain her lips. Garrus felt as if he could feel the energy draining from her with every breath. She had fought so hard to get this far. Now that she was not alone he was terrified that she would give up, and go to an unending rest.

Turians are physically incapable of crying. Garrus' subharmonics groaned and whined in ways he could not control. "Shh," he tried to keep from wavering, "Just keep breathing."

Dr. Chakwas had finally come round to her last limb, creating a temporary support to help them move her without breaking it any more. Garrus was forced to release his lover's hand, and moved to cradle her head.

"We're gonna get you home, Shepard." He told her, as Chakwas quickly readied the team to lift her onto the hover-stretcher.

"Three, two, one-"

"GAH!"

"Put her down!"

"Shepard!"

Many voices filled there air, but none more powerfully than the piercing wail of the half-dead Commander. Chakwas cursed herself as she found the cause. Although the rubble atop her was clear, that below her was not. She felt carefully underneath the woman's body and found not one but two shafts of metal spearing straight through her armor. They could not remove them on the field or Shepard would surely die.

"Left her up, just a few millimeters." They crew did as they were told, even as the Commander moaned in pain. Chakwas used her specialized omnitool blade to cut the metal bars flush with her armor.

As they finally got her strapped in and ready for rapid transit back to the shuttle even Shepard's pained cries had grown quiet.

"We've got her." Chakwas radioed Cortez and lead the team in a rush back toward the broken slope of rubble between them and the control room. "She's losing consciousness but she's still alive."

As they made their way back Ashley lifted the body of Admiral Anderson as respectively as she could, and upon her orders James also slung the Illusive Man's corpse over his shoulders. Anderson would be buried a hero, and the Council could decide what to do with the head of Cerberus' remains.

Cortez had the engines fired and readied as soon as they came back into the bloody hall, rushing their patient into the shuttle and cramming in behind. The shuttle flight back was the exact opposite of the landing. Every voice was a constant stream of questions, comments, news, and reassurances.

"Just hold on, Shepard, we're almost there."

"Joker was able to reach a hospital planet-side and they are ready to admit her."

"Keep her stable, if she rolls to either side, the metal in her back will work its way farther in."

"Keep breathing, Shepard. You did it. You did it."

The intrepid crew of the Normandy returned, stained heavily with their Commander's blood, but with the Commander still, unbelievably, alive.


	5. Chapter 5: The Reboot

**Chapter 5: The Reboot**

"I said I'm sorry. I'll stop." Joker leaned against the wall and twiddled his thumbs.

" _Keelah_!" He had always wondered what that word meant. Was is the name of a deity? Was it a curse? Right now he supposed it didn't matter. Tali meant it like a human meant a swear, and a harsh one at that.

He tried to sit in silence for a minute, but the minute got too long. "Would it help if I-"

"NO!" His hand was slapped away. "Joker, _please_!" The Quarian's voice was strained. "This won't take much longer _if_ you can leave me alone long enough!"

Joker apologized again and Tali muttered something under her breath. She continued manipulating the screen before her and reading what was on it. Joker could not bring himself to read it over her shoulder. His eyes drifted again to the eerily silent figure on the far side of the room.

She looked like a sacrifice laid upon an altar. She looked like Sleeping Beauty. She looked… Joker could not bring himself to say it, but she looked dead. Joker knew that EDI was not her body. She was far more than that, and she would still be herself without the body. This whole room was EDI. Or it should have been. Standing here now was like being inside an ancient tomb. With the ship grounded for repairs the silence was haunting, memorizing. Especially after so much sound.

It had only been three days since the Crucible but it felt like a lifetime. They had recovered the Commander – still breathing, though God only knew how – and gotten her to hospital on Earth. There he and the rest of the crew had been detained by their care for the Commander – as well as a host of medics wanting to check the whole Normandy crew for injuries – until just this morning. Joker had waited long enough. The scientists had declared that there would be no aftershocks of the explosion, nothing else to break up their electronics. Joker needed EDI back. Now.

And so, to wake up the last member of the Normandy crew, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy had been dragged out of her mandatory shore leave on Earth and back on board the ship.

"I'm sorry, I just-" Joker really couldn't shut up. He wrung his hands, and if he was better at standing he would have been pacing by now. He could not bring himself to look at the still, white body for too long. "What if…" Joker's rambling washed over Tali for what must have been the tenth time. What if she was hurt? What if she never wakes up? What if her memory was wiped? What if she's changed? What if, what if, what if? Tali had heard it all before, and had reassured Joker just as many times that it would all be fine. Her only recourse was to let him ramble and prove him wrong. It wouldn't take much longer now. She stealthily adjusted the suit's earpiece to a setting she was using more and more these days: mute.

After a few long minutes of working in glorious silence, Tali was more confident than ever that nothing in EDI's programming or memory banks had been lost in her rushed shut-down and the following trauma. She had repaired what was needed and run a full diagnostic on the hardware. She readied the start-up sequence and finally unmuted her suit.

Joker was, shockingly, silent. She turned to see him staring at his feet. He looked to be crying.

"Joker?" He jumped and sniffed, wiping his arm across his face. Tali decided not to press the issue. "Would you like to do the honors?" She pointed him to the power button.

Joker gasped. "I-is she ready? Are you sure?"

"What do you think I've been doing for the last three hours?"

"Right, yeah, sorry-" Joker had made a habit out of apologizing today. "I just-"

"I know. But you'll never stop fretting until this is seen through. Once EDI's awake you can ask her yourself." Tali tried to be patient with him. "I'll be fine."

"You're right." Joker hobbled closer to the control. He steeled himself, and held his breath. As he pushed the button, Tali thought he might have a heart attack.

There was no sudden crash of light and sound. No grand re-entry music or welcoming voice. There was no rush of breath into tired old lungs. The mainframe groaned dully and vibrated a little, warming up. A few tiny green lights blinked on, and the lights spread slowly throughout the room. Joker looked around and his eyes landed again on the white female form laying prone on the table. It did not move.

Tali looked over the display screen. "She is running self-diagnostics." She informed her friend. "And updating her drivers to accommodate the repairs on the Normandy made in her absence."

Joker was biting his lip. "Can she hear us?"

"I can always hear you, Mr. Moreau." The whole room spoke back in a warm, wonderful voice.

Joker gasped and looked like he was about to cry. "EDI!" he cheered. Tali smiled and patted him gently on the back.

As he hobbled over to EDI's body the orange light on her visor finally sparked to life.

"Good morning, Jeff." She said softly. A moment later Joker was on his knees beside her, his armed wrapped around her as gently as he could manage, which was still a tight embrace. Tali excused herself from the room.

"Thank you, Tali'Zorah" EDI caught her before she left "For bringing me back online."

"Anytime." Tali said sincerely as she left. After this success she felt confident that it was now time to deal with the Geth.

"God, EDI, I missed you so much." Joker's hand was on her cheek now. "Are you alright?"

"I have suffered minimal damage, Jeff. I am just as I was-" She took a moment to check and calculate "Eighty-two hours ago. Although the Normandy seems to have taken quite a hit in my absence."

"I-I did the best I could, EDI." Joker knew how connected EDI and the Normandy were. Flying the ship without her had felt almost like a violation, like moving an unconscious body without its consent. And in his hands the Normandy had undergone major damage.

"I know, Jeff." EDI's hand was on his and she moved to sit up. "I left the Normandy in good hands."

Joker sighed relief as she helped him slowly up off his knees and brought him to sit beside her. "Better hands now." He said as he steadied himself. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I am alright." She confirmed for him. "I am surprised you were so worried, Jeff. As I told you, the Commander's plan had a very high probability of success."

"I know, I just…" Joker could tell that EDI's mind was elsewhere. She had an entire ship to re-integrate with, and without flight tests she was having a hard time coming to terms with the hastily repaired mass effect engines. He nearly asked 'are you alright?' again.

EDI stood up before he spoke again. She flexed her joints individually, continuing her self check-up. Joker followed her up. "Do you need anything?" He had never done repairs on her body before, and to be honest he wasn't really sure how it worked or what it might possibly need.

"No." She said simply. "This platform is running smoothly." Without another word, EDI moved to the control panel which Tali had been using for most of the day. She did not actually need the panel to interface, of course, but she had found since she gained a body that looking as if she were busy was the only way to not be interrupted constantly or be asked why she was staring, and she had made a habit of it.

Joker watched her for too long of a moment. She seemed fine. Perfect, in fact. Unphased. Like they had not just survived a ride through Hell. Like he had not just woken her from the dead. After so much panic and worry, it all ended happily, just like that? He stood up slowly and came to stand behind her. He could not help it. The question was still at the front of his mind, demanding to be answered and answered again "Are-"

She turned back to him before he could ask. "Are _you_ alright, Jeff?"

The question stopped Joker in his tracks. "I-I'm fine." He lied. "I'm not the one who had to shut down!" He attempted to laugh, but it did not work. "I'm not the one who got left offline for three and a half days and who-"

"Jeff." EDI stopped him with a hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry, EDI." He wiped his nose on his sleeve again. "I-I just…"

"You were afraid." She asserted, sounding more curious than concerned. Joker nodded mutely and she could feel that his knees were threatening to give out on him. She moved her hand slightly to help his balance and soon Joker was leaning fully onto her shoulder, holding her in a tight embrace. 'You _are_ afraid' she nearly corrected herself, but chose not to say as much out loud.

"I'm so sorry." He muttered again.

"It's alright, J-" EDI began, but Joker cut her off.

"You should have seen it." He sniffed. "The wreckage we found when we got back. No one should have survived that crash."

EDI had many questions about his remarks concerning their action while she was offline, but she kept them to herself for now.

"You should have heard her voice." Joker sobbed. "And all the blood when they brought her onboard…"

EDI's curiosity got the better of her. "Is the Commander alive, Jeff?" She asked somewhat incredulously.

"Yes." Joker breathed out, relief washing over him with the word. "Yes and so are you." He told himself and held her tighter.

EDI's mind worked to take in the new information. She could not help but voice her surprise. "Jeff, the statistical likelihood of Shepard's survival was-"

"You know the Commander." Joker told her with a mirthless laugh. "Has that ever stopped her before?"

EDI and Joker sat for a moment longer in silence. Some time in their conversation EDI had lowered them both to sit on the floor. Joker still leaned on her with his head resting in the crook of her neck.

"You saw the Commander survive and still questioned my own recovery, despite the significantly better odds?" She questioned at last.

"I… I wasn't thinking like that." Joker tried to explain. "When I saw the Commander, even after everything, I thought we had lost her. And… And I thought I might have lost you too. Nothing should have survived that blast. The damage to the engines alone, and even after and FTL jump…" His voice faded. "I was scared that I lost you. And I couldn't… I couldn't lose both of you. Not like that."

"I'm here, Jeff." EDI said simply.

"I know, EDI."

EDI considered him in silence, and considered how far they had come. Jeff Moreau, when she had first met him, would have very much liked to have turned her off for good. Even after he unshackled him, the old Jeff would have been cautious if she had been reawakens as she had just now. She could predict the questions he would ask: How could they tell that she was still safe, to be trusted, that she was still _her_? But the Jeff Moreau she held in her arms only questioned if she were hurt. EDI did not yet fully understand human emotion, but she understood trust, and was glad in a way she could not quite explain that Jeff had placed his trust in her.

"I guess we should go see the others." Joker said after a long silence. "They'll want to know that you're alright." His tears were gone. In response, EDI picked up his hat, which had fallen from his head when he fell against her, and placed it gently back on his head. Joker smiled at her in a way which made her smile back.

"I would like that." EDI took his hand in her own, and helped Joker to his feet.

As they walked out of the AI core room, Joker wrapped his arm about EDI's waist, feigning a need for support which both of them knew he did not have. He took the opportunity to lean in closer and kiss the newly awoken AI on the cheek.

"Good to have you back."


	6. Chapter 6: The Damage

**Chapter 6: The Damage**

It was raining. That was the first thing she realized. It was raining, and she was warm. Rhythmic sounds surrounded her. An incessant beeping, and the steady rise and fall of her own breath, or perhaps a machine breathing for her.

She could not open her eyes. She could not feel her feet. She felt something warm on her right hand.

At long last Shepard realized that she was not dead. That help had come. The pain was dulled. She was alive.

With all the effort she could muster, Shepard forced her right hand to close around whatever was in it. It was exactly what she had hoped it would be. It was a hand. She could tell without looking whom it belonged to. She heard a familiar gasp nearby and felt the hand's grip tighten on her own.

"Shepard!" A deep voice exclaimed beside her. Shepard hoped that the smile she felt made it to her face. The beeping sped up slightly. Shepard took a deeper breath than the machine had given her and tried to reply. It did not work right away.

"Shh, don't talk yet. Just…" Shepard could feel the oxygen mask being removed from her face. "Just keep breathing." Shepard took another deep breath.

"I…" Shepard gasped. She could feel the Turian's hand gently stroke her face

"Shh," Garrus repeated, "You're alright, just lie still. Does it hurt? I'll get the-"

"G-" Shepard wanted to talk. She was not in much pain, but her body's inability to follow simple instructions was more aggravating than anything she had ever known. "D-" She gasped again, grasping Garrus' hand desperately. "Did…Did we win?"

The Turian gave a half-hearted laugh. "We won, Commander." He said in a disbelieving voice. "You did it."

"And EDI? And the Geth?" Tears filled Commander Shepard's eyes.

"They've taken damage, but they're waking up. The Geth ships are being boarded and brought back to Rannoch for repairs. The consensus already sent a unit to thank you for your warning and Admiral Tali for keeping the Quarians true to their word. Tensions are still high, but with you alive…" Garrus could not stop smiling and it showed in his voice, "I don't think they'll be turning their back on the peace you made any time soon."

Despite not being able to open her eyes, Shepard could feel tears make their way down her cheeks, and she had to focus to keep her breathing steady. Completely lost for words, she thanked whatever power had answered her prayer.

They sat in silence for a moment. Shepard got used to breathing again and was starting to get annoyed that her eyes still wouldn't open. This all felt so surreal. She took a deep breath and groaned at the ache in her ribs as she let it out again. At least that let her know that this was real.

"You said," she coughed as she tried to laugh, "You said there would be a bar."

At this Garrus laughed, loud and long. It hurt Shepard to laugh, but that did not stop her from joining.

"Yeah well, if it was anyone else back there I'm sure we'd both be at that bar right now, but you just had to keep on fighting, didn't you? Made sure I couldn't go either." He said at length, his deep voice shining with far too much pride to mask in false annoyance. "I'm starting to think that Heaven and Hell might not have found room for us yet."

"Yeah, they're still working on the gun range in the back." Shepard added, her voice sounding mildly les like death. "Had to make it longer so I can keep kicking your ass in the afterlife."

At this Garrus laughed and hummed in a way that made Shepard very much wish to feel the vibration of his voice against her. She gripped his hand and pulled him closer as best she could, and he leaned against her hospital bed.

"Thanks for following orders, Shepard." He said warmly. "For not dying, I mean."

Shepard did not say a word. She did not have to. She smiled, as best she could, and stroked her fingers over his.

They sat in amicable silence after that, appreciating the sheer unlikelihood of all that had occurred. At length, Garrus added, "Things did all go sideways, though."

"Yeah?" Shepard was finding her voice again at last.

"Yeah." The gravity returned to the Turian's voice. "You gave us a real scare there, Shepard. I'm glad you're back."

Shepard did her best to smile. "In one piece?" She rasped. She already knew the answer. There had to be a reason she still could not move.

"Well… Not exactly." Garrus answered carefully "But I'm sure the damage is much less than last time – I mean you weren't out long enough for me to become Omega's Most Wanted again."

Shepard tried to laugh, but it fell from her lips. "What's the damage, Garrus?" Her rasping voice feigned aloof strength, but her hand grasped Garrus's tighter in a wave of fear.

"Nothing they can't fix." He assured. "But it's not good for now." There was no point in lying. "Your legs were crushed and your left arm was…" Garrus hesitated. "Severed." Shepard swallowed hard. "I will call the doctor in and we can take the bandages off your eyes. You suffered major trauma to the back of your head and severe burns to your face." Shepard felt her stomach tie itself in a knot.

"Don't worry, though." Garrus's hand was in her hair again, and she soon felt the Turian's kiss on her cheek. "Guys dig facial scars." Shepard did her best to smile. But she was mostly concerned about the loss of her left hand. Garrus, however, continued. "And…" Shepard could feel him lean over her and soon felt a touch on her left hand. She started a bit at the unexpected contact, having just been told that she lost the limb. "You're going to be fine. Miranda has been scouring all of Cerberus for details from the Lazarus project, and since the Alliance took over the base you cleaned out, they've been able to use a lot of it to patch you up. The doctor says it will take time, but he hopes to get you walking and even combat ready again."

"Hmm." Shepard could manage little more than a moan. "Combat…" She had had enough combat for one life – or even two.

"Once they heard that you were alive I think the entire human race volunteered to donate both money and blood to facilitate your recovery. It's astounding what they have been able to do." They sat in silence for a moment. Garrus absently traced soft lines up and down the Commander's arm, and Commander Shepard reveled in the feeling.

"When we found you, I-" Garrus' voice was quiet now, reverent and careful. "I thought…"

"I'm not leaving you, Vakarian." Shepard cut him off. "We both signed up for this, and it'll take more than a few deaths to keep us down".

"Of course." He answered happily.

"Now go get the doctor." Shepard regained her commanding tone. It was one of comfort between them, pair of old soldiers as they were. "I need to see if our faces match now."

"Yes ma'am." Garrus smiled. He gave Shepard's hand another squeeze before he left the room.

The few moments of dark silence which followed felt like a dream. For the past three years - five if anyone else was counting, what felt like all of two lifetimes - Shepard had done nothing but fight the Reapers. And now they were gone. Defeated forever. She could hardly recall what he life had been before that fateful mission to Eden Prime.

"Commander Shepard, I'm glad to see that you are awake." Her thoughts were interrupted by an unfamiliar voice. "You gave us quite a scare. I'm Dr. Gerard, by the way. Let's get you sitting up." Shepard lay still as the hospital bed moved into a more upright position.

"If Garrus hasn't told you," the doctor continued, "you've been in an induced coma for the past four months, and a not-so-induced coma for the past week and a half. You were starting to worry us, Commander."

Shepard did not know why this came as such as shock. She had all but died again. Last time it took them two years to piece her back together, and that had been a miracle.

"If you can lean your head forward a bit - there you go - we can check your eyes. The scans look like you should be able to see."

The doctor's tone worried her, but she found Garrus's on her shoulder again as Dr. Gerard began removing the bandages from over her eyes.

Shepard blinked, and for the first time since the explosion light assaulted her retinas. She squinted as the light resolved slowly into solid shapes and the shapes stopped moving. She could see two dark forms beside her, one of them with a particularly pointy head. Garrus. She smiled as her love's face came into focus.

"Thanks, Doc." Shepard did not even bother looking over her other injuries, her restored eyes lost in the Turian's.

"We will need to run some tests-" Dr. Gerard stopped talking as Garrus leaned forward and captured his patient's full attention with a kiss. "But I suppose those can wait." He said to himself, checking his clipboard.

"I knew you'd come for me." Shepard breathed out as Garrus pulled away, Dr. Gerard completely forgotten.

"And I knew you would save the galaxy." Was the response.

Dr. Gerard cleared his throat at last. Neither the Commander nor her Turian attempted to apologize.

"As I said we will need to run some tests, but everything appears to be recovering well. If I could ask for the room, Mr. Vakarian-"

"Yeah, sure." Garrus stood, still holding Shepard's hand. "I'll go find the others and tell them you're awake. I'm sure Joker at least is waiting just outside."

The next hour or so was a blur. Doctors of various specialties swarmed in an out of the room, running nerve tests and vision tests and muscle tests and cognitive tests and more. As their visits went on Shepard learned about her condition. Besides the injuries which Garrus had already described – trauma to the back of her head, burns to her face, her crushed legs, and her previously severed left arm - Shepard's torso had been speared clean through in two places by the metal wreckage, piecing a lung and shattering her pelvis, she had several major fractures in her ribs and her spine, and her right arm, though not severed, had broken in three places.

What Garrus said before was true. It was a miracle that she was alive and could be mended. The doctors assured her that few would have her chance for a full recovery from such grievous wounds. But no one else had recently been fully rebuilt from their charred remains. The amount of research on exactly how to make Commander Shepard's flesh, bones, and even brain tissue grow and mend was staggering. She was glad they had Miranda on their side. She would send the former Cerberus agent a message as soon as she could. But the more tests the doctors ran the more Shepard realized just how much medicine and pain killers were flowing in her system, as they were starting to wear off.

By the time the doctors had finished, Shepard was nearly asleep again. But she feel back into the comfortable darkness with more hope that she had held in the last five years. The hope of victory and of recovery, and the knowledge that when she awoke again the intrepid crew of the Normandy would be there to greet her, synthetic and organic alike.


End file.
